Finding Our True Self
In her book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware reveals that one of the most common regrets of those nearing the end of their lives is, "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." This highlights a very common struggle: how often do we live according to others' expectations rather than embracing who we truly are?
The Struggle to Live Authentically
From a young age, we are shaped by the people around us, our culture, the media, and the environment in which we grow up. These influences often don’t align with who we truly are. We might also carry wounds from the past that cause us to seek validation and approval from others. The pressure to excel in school, secure a successful career, or conform to society’s standards of wealth, status, and physical appearance can make us feel we need to become someone else.
This disconnection from our authentic self is often driven by fear. To protect ourselves, we might wear a mask, hiding our true identity and choosing to fit in even when it doesn’t align with our values. This scarcity mindset—believing we are not enough as we are—leads us to live lives that don’t reflect what God has given us.
Rediscovering Our True Self
So how can we begin to understand who we are and who we are really meant to be?
Reflecting on my own life, I can see how I, too, fell into the trap of wanting to be like everyone else. Even when I sensed I was different, I sought validation from crowds that didn’t share my values. I often questioned my self-worth because I didn’t fully understand my identity in God. Our self-perception is deeply shaped by past experiences, often leading us away from living authentically.
Who knows us better than the One who created us? My first real encounter with God was through a retreat. It's helpful to step away from our usual environment and go to a place that allows us to focus solely on God. When I met Him in the depth of my being, I desired to learn more about Him, and the more I learned, the more I loved Him. It's so important to participate in the Sacraments and to learn from Scripture, tradition, and spiritual reading. I found that as I learned about God, I began to understand more about myself and His intent for my life. By seeking to know Him, I learned to love Him and found peace in stillness and silence with Him.
The Importance of Silence and Self-Knowledge
Pope Benedict XVI reminds us of the importance of silence: "Even amid the ‘busy-ness’ and the stress of our daily lives, we need to make space for silence, because it is in silence that we find God, and in silence that we discover our true self. And in discovering our true self, we discover the particular vocation which God has given us for the building up of His Church and the redemption of our world."
St. Teresa of Avila also emphasizes the importance of self-knowledge, saying, "It is foolish to think that we will enter heaven without entering into ourselves." The journey inward is where we encounter God and our true self. In this deep interior life, we can begin to shed the layers of expectations and false identities, allowing our authentic self to be revealed.
A Call to Live Out Our God-Given Identity
Living authentically isn’t just about rejecting societal pressures; it’s about embracing the person God created us to be. It’s about discovering our unique vocation and living in a way that glorifies Him. When we live in alignment with our true selves, we not only find fulfillment but also contribute to building up the Kingdom and influencing the world around us, rather than letting the world influence us.
St. Faustina reminds us that “knowledge of self is the beginning of wisdom.” St. Catherine of Siena called it the “cell of self-knowledge,” and St. Athanasius said, “No one can know God without knowing himself.” Knowing God is directly related to knowing ourselves. If the saints emphasized this, then there is something very important in self-knowledge.
Practical Steps for Embracing Authenticity
To live authentically, we can begin with the Daily Examen, focusing on our own faults rather than others', seeking silence amidst the noise, and dedicating quality time to God. Pride often keeps us from acknowledging our true selves, but humility before God can open the door to self-knowledge and ultimately to a life that reflects our true identity in Christ.
As we embrace who we truly are, let us pray with St. Maria Faustina Kowalska: “O Jesus, Supreme Light, grant me the grace of knowing myself and pierce my dark soul with Your light, and fill the abyss of my soul with Your own self…” (Diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska, 297).
In the journey to live authentically, may we always seek to know ourselves more deeply in God, allowing His light to reveal who we truly are.
question to ponder
How would your life be different if you truly lived as the person God created you to be?
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